I remember when he told me he wanted me to dye my hair black

How I almost did

I think often of who that girl is

In the same spot as me

Who’s love language is to give

Failing to live

I remember when my mind worked to please

Failed conception of what it means

To silently plead

I am everything you want

I am the girl of your dreams

It is only me you want to see

I am sure he puts his hands over his mouth

And looks at you in awe

Making you feel as if you’re the only one

His eyes ever saw

Tears may start to form in his eyes

And you feel somewhere;

This is my perfect guy.

My eyes roll back

I can’t help but laugh

And begin to say

is telling the truth really that bad?

My heart hurts for the woman she was

Trying to go above

Shapeshifting herself to be the ideal dream

But being the best in a man’s eyes isn’t what it seems

It’s a slow fade away

Watching your soul slowly turning gray

You do not realize it until years down the line

When you make choices and sacrifices

Leaving the core of who you are behind

And maybe you reconstruct it to fit

Because at this point,

Without knowing

You are what it is.

I remember when he told me he wanted me to dye my hair black

And I almost did

I think about now how I am no longer blinded

How I am free

To be everything

I want to be

I want to cut my hair short and grow it long

I want every color without feeling I don’t belong

I want to be loud and with an integrity that roars

Eradicating the haunting feeling

there is an unspoken score

Listening to the spirit of my inner child

Being unruly,

Being wild.

And when it comes to love I never have to

Tilt my head and deny

That all of this is for a guy.

Going bigger than looks and bigger than style

My inner beauty never being tainted, never defiled.

I look at my reflection and smile

Remembering when you wanted me to dye my hair black

And I almost did.