goodbye is never easy

and i hate that it had to come

because i trusted you wouldn’t hurt me,

wouldn’t betray me while i was sleeping.

but i mourn and i cry

sob and wail into the night

wishing there was never the final goodbye.

i reflect on a lot of things in these recent days

i think

do people accept horrible things

do they let it be this way?

when i awoke to you doing what you did

i thought this couldn’t be real

because if so,

i could never forgive.

this isn’t in the realm of lying

or cheating

no

this is far more deceiving.

and now i have this scar

that won’t go away.

it is all i can think about every second,

every minute

of every day.

in my own house,

in my own bed,

by my partner,

my friend.

i keep wishing that you never did what you did

or that i was capable of burying it

normalizing it,

living a fib.

i keep wondering if you have done this

before

to myself deeply insensible

or many more

as my wisdom speaks intrusion isn’t a fluke

it breaks my heart because i want the

best for you.

but i am torn

you hurt me in the worst way

used my body for your own sexual gain

without my consent

my okay,

when i told you no,

i did not want to,

and you did it anyway.

i am sad i still have empathy

my mind is chaos but i’m trying to master it

make it a symphony

in the days, months and years to come

i will take these feelings

make a masterpiece

even though right now

it’s hard to see

january thirteenth i turned twenty nine

january fourteenth i was brave enough to do

what was right

looked you in the eyes

accepted what you had begun

accepted what you were doing

and at 5 am,

told you goodbye.